I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
