that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
