im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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