clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
