what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
