my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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