Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
