Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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