just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
