so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
