my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
