Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
