Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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