Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
did i walk over a car last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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