I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
