I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He shit in the fireplace
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
