She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
