He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
