Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
