you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
