she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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