My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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