guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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