No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
