oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
