I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
