We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There r osticjed everywhere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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