A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
