Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
