I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
