Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
