4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
