Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
