Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
