even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
