you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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