Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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