chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
