My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
