i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
