Sponge bath it is.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize