Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
