yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
