y did u give ur computer a hand job?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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