I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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