ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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