I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
