if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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