shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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