I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize