I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
