I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
