Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
