I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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