Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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