nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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