Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize