i already hear my dad disowning me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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