how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize