On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
