You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
