you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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