i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
