If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
