He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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