he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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