I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
