"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
