the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
